I’ve been dealing with a pretty serious family crisis over the last few months that finally came to a head this past week. My family member is safe and getting the help they need, but (excuse my french) it was a goddamned, motherfucking nightmare. The kind of nightmare that steals your sleep and leaves you sitting in hospital waiting rooms. The kind that forces you to move through the world like a zombie because all of your bandwidth is dedicated to this crisis…to this person.
It has been heartbreaking and exhausting.
Yesterday, I slept for what felt like a million hours. I got up at noon, shoved some food in my face and downed a cup of coffee before my dear husband tucked me back into bed so I could go sleep again. I can’t even describe the emotions I feel at this point because honestly, its all academic right now.
I’m too tired to feel any feelings.
Actually, scratch that: I’m too tired to feel any feelings other than horror, numbness, anger, sadness, fear, terror, worry, stress, and a deep yawning cavern where a sense of balance used to be.
I am okay. I’ve got a dope family, lovely and supportive husband, and a very good therapist. I’m taking time to step back and put on my own oxygen mask. I’m taking time to care for me.
The effect on my creativity has been fascinating. Actually, I’m surprised I even got the first part of the last chapter posted at all! It’s been cathartic to pour my feelings and energy into a creative venture. And frankly, figuring out how to take a good screenshot has been a welcome distraction from this whole thing.
But I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t slowed me down. It’s hard to do final edits or the work that is required to actually move the story from my google doc to a blog post. And little things, like figuring out how to shoot a scene where I need more characters than “travel as a group” will allow have made me screech at the screen and put my head down (THANKS EA lol).
(I’m just kidding. This isn’t really their fault, I have an older iMac so I’m grateful for the limitations they put on the game graphics. I just have no patience because I’m completely burnt out!)
And I have a separate save file where I just play the game for funsies and lately I’ve been enjoying that because the stakes are so low as to be in the basement and it’s been soothing for the biggest challenge to be my sim getting a part-time job because they bought too many dorm decorations (honestly, Lana, budget).
All of that is to say: I gotta slow my role because best laid plans and what not.
This is prolly not a bad thing. I’ve learned that I write REALLY long chapters and so even “part one” of a chapter is a lot of content. Although number-wise I’m on chapter 7, I’ve written the equivalent of 11 chapters to get there. For me, a completed chapter moves the story forward in some significant way and because I’m wordy, it sometimes takes me 2 (or even 3) parts to get there.
c’est la vie.
But for sanity’s sake right now, and because things might can go to hell in a hand-basket at any moment, I think I’m better off posting one part of a chapter a week. At least until things calm down again. Don’t worry, I’ve actually got chapters 8 and 9 all written and screenshot (just gotta do a little photo editing). I’m working on screenshots for chapter 10 and I’m finishing up writing chapter 11. That, coupled with a bonus chapter and a Christmas surprise (I HOPE) should take me through to the end of the year. Then I’ll go on a short hiatus and build up the next part of the story.
Cool flex, bro but what is actually coming next?
Assuming everything works out, the plan for posts is this:
11/24 – Chapter 7, Part 2
11/27 – Bonus Content
12/1 – Chapter 8, Part 1
12/8 – Chapter 8, Part 2
12/15 – Chapter 8, Part 3
12/22 – Chapter 9, Part 1
12/29 – Chapter 9, Part 2
12/24 – A lil sumpin’ sumpin’
12/25 – Chapter 10, Part 1&2
12/29 – Chapter 11, Part 1&2
12/31 – A lil sumpin’ sumpin’
But don’t hold me to it. Things are a bit touch and go at the moment so this plan could go south. I’d like to say I’ll also update my sims 4 forum post, but honestly, it’s gonna be enough just updating the blog. I might have to check back in with that in a few weeks with a big “here’s a bunch of chapters, sorry lol” post.
Anyways, that’s all for now. Take good care of yourselves. I hope you all get some much needed vacation time.