Chapter 17: Rules For Your Vampire Boyfriend

The Free Library of Windenburg


They made date plans without Gwendolyn for the first time in weeks. It was a perfect night—dinner and then the library. Alice let him ramble on for far too long about the building’s history and then they argued about books.

“You do not call him Daddy Don!” Alice’s eyes sparkled as they wound around another table.

The Duchelli Legacy calls him Daddy Don,” Vlad replied as his fingers grazed her hip. He was worried that his question-driven anxiety had ruined sex forever, but after their first rule, his desire returned with a vengeance. He pointed at the circulation desk where a librarian was currently scanning the book for him to check out. “Are you telling me he’s not daddy?”

“No,” she bit her lip and gently hip-checked him, “Uther in Tales of Camelot is daddy. King Daddy, actually.”

Vlad made a face, “I’m not rooting for Uther. Morgana and Lancelot are my ship.”

“Lance-hot,” Alice added, her laugh turning into a snort. “Now Almost Eternal—“

“That’s easy, Faith and Seth.”

She frowned, “I mean, I get it, he’s a raging lunatic with no scruples, but—“

“Ah, ah, I have not finished,” he placed a hand on the small of her back, guiding her around a book cart, “No spoilers.” 

Their easy banter continued as they walked, earning them a few dirty looks from patrons. The way she offered them all non-apology apologies made Vlad want to take her behind the stacks, lift her dress, and put his mouth on her until she was boneless with satisfaction.

“Oh!” she squealed, “In DJ’s World: Bachelorette Party, there’s a character that looks like you, and he has a…” she paused and looked around the library warily before whispering the rest of the statement in his ear. 

Vlad suppressed a groan and leaned over, his voice low. “I don’t know why you’re telling me this. You know how I feel about knives.”

That time, her laughter earned them a reprimand from the librarian, so they found an abandoned section and made themselves comfortable on the windowsill. 

“I can’t help that you have a specific taste,” her legs swung rhythmically against the baseboard. She brushed her fingers over his erection; this time, he did not stifle his groan. “You’re like Yuan from Haunted. Actually, you are one hundred percent the Yuan in this relationship. And I’m the Bernard.” 

He leaned in to kiss her. “Would I wear a gown with flawlessly cut water sleeves? Yes. Would I fuck you if you were a ghost? Also, yes.”

She pinched him playfully, which did nothing to dampen his arousal. “This is fun. I love date night. You give me too much nectar, I eat until I burst, we joke about books and patriarchy and podcasts—” she narrowed her eyes, “Wait, do you listen to podcasts?” 

“By men? No,” Vlad shivered, “I have a hard enough time not slaughtering the masses as it is.” He froze, realizing how carelessly he’d thrown out that comment. How would she react? All of his exes had been different. Ana understood, Faba encouraged him, and Ethren…well…Ethren was always disappointed. Vladislaus was either too violent…

Or not violent enough.

She lifted a hand and stroked his cheek. “Are you a danger to me and Gwendolyn?”

“No. Never.” He gently gripped her wrist, running his thumb over her pulse, “You are both precious to me.”

He didn’t know he was waiting for her acceptance, but he felt the tension leave his body when the conversation started again. 

“I like Kat in Divided. Lots of bad stuff for witches, which is sort of depressing. But I’m looking forward to when things get better, and they kick ass. It’s bullshit that everyone acts like spellcasters are the problem.”

“Ha!” Vlad snorted, “Witches would love your interpretation.”

She scowled. “I mean, I like my interpretation.”

It was at that moment that Vlad realized he was infinitely stupid. “You think you’re a witch.”

“Well yeah, I see ghosts. And that wand was whispering to me before I touched it. Eliza thought it meant something.” She looked down, fiddling with her dress, “I know it’s crazy that I bonded with the woman who was screwing my boyfriend, because literally, fuck them both. They deserve each other. But Salim was being a real asshole, and Johnny gave me the creeps, and I just…I don’t know. It’s been in my head ever since.”

Vlad wasn’t a fan of some third-rate homewrecker encouraging Alice to touch a bespelled item that could have killed her. His fury might’ve shown on his face because she pulled him down until he was lying with his head in her lap. Whatever agitation he felt about Eliza Pancakes faded. “You don’t smell like a witch,” he murmured. “Witches and their magic have a particular scent, and you just smell like you.”

“Is that why you keep my ghosts away? I smell nice?”

He chuckled. Vlad had no idea why ghosts never bothered her when he was around. Vampires must not be prone to haunting. “We will figure it out,” he promised.

“I know,” she drummed her fingers on his sternum, the vibration of it so soothing he closed his eyes. Fuck. He might actually fall asleep like this.

“Can I ask one question?”

“I am so relaxed right now, I’d answer a barrage of queries.”

“Do you ever worry about consequences? With all your murder stuff?”

Vlad huffed a laugh and grabbed her hand, gently kissing her fingertips. “I am mostly retired, just the occasional ‘murder stuff.’ Honestly, if there are consequences, I tend to just outlive them.”

Goth Summer Home, Brindleton Bay


The first thing Biffington Bobridge did was post a letter.

Actually, the first thing Biffington Bobridge did was crawl to the bathroom to check his injuries. He tried not to cry because crying was not manly, but it was hard. 

Everything the vampire did hurt.

And the more it hurt, the more gleeful he got. 

Later, Biffington examined the puncture marks along his neck, the way they tracked around, ending in a torn strip of flesh above his heart. There was bruising and scabbing. Some he remembered. 

Some he did not.

The vampire promised not to turn him. Sneered it while he forced Biffington to draft a letter of apology to the presenter. It was too bad. The last of the Bobridges wished he was a vampire—a powerful sort of man who could rightfully assert his dominance and make the world over correctly. 

The Brindleton Bay Men’s Club of Knowing and Knowledge had hunted the supernatural for years. It was their calling, though they had so far failed to produce anything resembling real evidence. 

There were manuscripts, artifacts, and the original copy of the Ultimate Vampire Tome, but what Biffington offered the club was proof. His letter said as much: 

Dear Esteemed Board Member,

Not since receiving the Ultimate Vampire Tome in 1882 has this club gotten such a significant lead. Vampires exist. I was accosted by one who goes by the name—perhaps alias—Vladislaus Straud. I will not elaborate on the details of this altercation except to assure you that I conducted myself with the utmost decorum and strength of character. I would like to propose an emergency meeting to discuss these matters further.


Biffington Bobridge  

He didn’t send it to all of the board members, of course, just the most (in his opinion) worthy.

One for Bjorn Bjersen.

One for Jacques Villareal.

One for Mortimer Goth.

He poured the drinks, set out the snacks, and rechecked his notes. The members would be arriving shortly, and he wanted everything to be perfect for his presentation.  


Trailer Song: “Play with Fire” by Sam Tinnesz


In addition to the  CC I regularly use in the game and buildings from the Fleuralia Save File, I also used the following builds and custom content:

Poses & Animations

Waking Up Pose Pack by Samssims

Grateful for You Poses by StarrySimsie

Love and Clovers Pose pack by StarrySimsie

Sitting Ground Poses by StarrySimsie

Your Warmth Poses by Sciophobis

Pose Request #151 by Sciophobis

Injured Poses by Raygun

This Kiss by JoanneBernice

Toddler Poses by Ratboysims

Modeling Poses 3 by Katverse

Clothing & Accessories

Narcissa Suit, Tempest Hat, Myrtle Gloves, Alexander Pumps by Sentate (2022 Haute Couture Collection)

Japanese Souffle Pancakes by Mel Bennett

  • Snow ~
    December 4, 2022


    Vlad fantasising about dicing Salim is a mood. Okay I laughed way too many times during this chapter, first time definitely was Anastasia like ‘son stop hassling me about a murder I’m trying to eat my breakfast’ XD Poor Caleb. Imagine trying to be a change-maker and a sort of ‘cycle breaker’ when your parents are this lot XD

    I really love the complexity of the relationships in this story and I love the idea of a platonic life partner as well < 333 I mean it's nice that Bella gave Cass the money but really? Doing it just to get her out of the house so she can fuck Caleb? Really Bella? : : P Forget Interview with the Vampire, Bella's more interested in Intercourse with the Vampire XD

    I love that pic of Alice and Vlad lying together on the blanket. AND THE HEAD RUB CUDDLE HHH ;-; I love all the references to our stories in the books! Not gonna pretend the Divided one isn't my favourite because it is because validation because selfishness because we all love Kat, but I did laugh at 'Daddy Don' and also 'Lance-hot' XD

    That line about outliving the consequences makes me realise something actually, there really aren't any consequences for vampires are there and that probably is a part of it. 1, anyone who tries to fuck with you could never best you in a fight, and 2 time becomes meaningless. Jail sentences are probably nothing to an immortal (especially if you just drain the cops dry LMAO). Like prison for Vlad would just be a buffet. XD


    • feroshgirl
      December 4, 2022

      Vlad is absolutely a middle aged mom who is twice divorced (okay more than twice but who is counting)

      I sort of love that you empathize with Caleb. I mean, Ana is a lot. But weirdly they all just love each other so she can’t resist doling out advice on his case and he can’t resist asking her if everything is ok.

      Latimer = Vlad’s most stable relationship (that is saying a lot)

      Bella is…uh…it’s gonna be fine.

      INTERCOURSE WITH A VAMPIRE lololololololol I’ll just pack it in.

      My god.

      Vlad loves head scratches because he is a cat <3 I took a million additional unnecessary screenshots of this moment.

      I’m glad you liked the books. You’re all canon now. I feel really lucky to have this community of creative geniuses all making dope shit and it fuels me!


      I mean… *do* vampires outlive consequences? We shall see…

      (Lololol daddy Don is the greatest and the Duchelli Legacy author is just a boss and it’s a SimLit worth reading bc it is bonkers and emotional and involves a sex positive Don Lothario and I can’t rave about it enough)

      Lance-hot (I will be forever proud of this pun)

  • Dragoncat
    December 8, 2022

    LOL, Vlad is going on about outliving consequences, and then the chapter ends with that guy he bit and possible consequences. I’m not sure if he’ll actually experience anything, since “The Brindleton Bay Men’s Club of Knowing and Knowledge” don’t seem like they can stand up to a vampire. But things can change… Hm.

    Also, the contrast with Bella and Caleb kissing in front of the photographs of her family, one of which with her kissing Mortimer. And that divorce lie is going to bite Bella in the ass. I just know it.

    I’m happy that Vlad and Alice are being honest with one another at least.

    • feroshgirl
      December 18, 2022

      HAHAH yeah, you caught that huh? Oh Vlad, just keep chilling, I’m sure its al gonna be *fine*! I mean listen, maybe the club has a secret weapon! Who knows?

      (I mean I know but…shhhh)

      Whew. How could lying to your vampire boyfriend about your divorce come back to bite you (HA)?

      So far, only one couple is acting even remotely sane and somehow it’s Vlad and Alice lol! Thanks for reading!

  • Yimiki
    December 12, 2022

    Wow, Vlad, way to greet someone in the morning 😂 What are the access points to his building omg 🤣 though Salim does seem crooked in absolutely every way. And also Bella is questioning him and he’s probably involved in a ton of other things. “Savagely mauled to death by a vampire” probably is not the twist she’s expecting her case to take.

    Caleb is entirely too set on “not getting dragged into his mother’s bull” there. So much so that he reminds me of a teenager that ignores valuable advice just because muuuuuuuum said it. But that very much seems to be their dynamic, doesn’t it?

    Hehee. Yes Latimer, you are quite irresistible 🤭 I love that Alice is basically getting “kind old grandpa” for free there. Who knew that dating a murder-centric, extremely mentally disturbed vampire came with extra babysitting perks?

    [Mortimer had given Bella the greatest gift of their entire marriage: he was heading out of town.] So many red flags in this sentence alone oh my dear gods. I get that Bella isn’t happy. I do. But I have so incredibly little respect for her right now. Lying to her husband, trying to manipulate her teen daughter (some great projection there too, with the little “not everything is about you” bit), ditching her during an important moment yet AGAIN, bringing over her side piece while her son is home?!?!?!!? BELLA?!?! Lying to Caleb now oh my gods. That’s it. Bella is a potato 🥔 She’s not a mouldy potato, yet, but the woman is making so many bad choices and actively hurting her own children.

    There’s such a stark contrast this chapter between Bella/Caleb, and Alice/Vlad. I’m so glad that she realised her constant flood of questions was giving her anxiety; I don’t even have thousands of years of baggage, and I’d get upset over having to anticipate constant questions too.

    And now Caleb is going over in broad daylight. Dear lord. How long is it going to be before Alexander or Cassandra opens the door? Or even Mortimer himself? This is bound to explode so bad at some point.

    King Daddy 😂🤣 bwahaha, it sounds so wrong when you say it like that. Awww thank you for the shout-out! I loved all the little references in there. Lance-hot. I will never forget that nickname. 🤣 Not a witch, Alice. Just a potential goddess trapped in human form again, maybe. Possibly. I have absolutely no clue this time around, am just along for the ride. 🤭

    Ooooh. Oh bollocks. Well. What did you just say about not worrying about consequences, Vladdy?

    • feroshgirl
      December 18, 2022

      Oh dear, it’s been a crazy couple of weeks so I really thought I replied to this! LOL, You are right: Vlad has absolutely no chill, Caleb is still like an errant teenager, and Latimer is Ultimate Kind Old Grandpa!

      Bella is going through some things. Sigh. I mean, I want to defend her against that potato comment but I really can’t. Homegirl is a hot mess right now. As is Caleb, who is CASUALLY jogging over in the middle of the day. What is wrong with these two? Neither of them can control their impulses no matter how much they insist that they are “responsible” ones.

      <3 awww thank you for noticing the contrast. It is hilarious to me that Vlad, who is arguably the most unhinged, is somehow killing it in his relationship LOL

      Also, I adore your story and now it's canon that Tales of Camelot is in the library of the Strauds Universe <3


      Consequences? What consequences?

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