Status: COMPLETE
Petty gods, dark magic, and one baking contest to rule them all.
When a not-quite-human and a not-quite-vampire get together during a baking contest, romance and shenanigans ensue. The scones won’t bake themselves, and the stakes are no less than the fate of the world. This story features adult language, adult situations, sex, and violence.
About the Story
Alice Martin is twenty-nine years old, mortal-ish, and cursed. Since the age of thirteen, she’s been sharing her body with Ben, the God of Death (and resurrection and agriculture and fertility and nectar, as he often reminds her). The arrogant, all-powerful being has run roughshod over her life, sending her on “quests” that have turned her into the town weirdo and putting everyone around her at risk with uncontrollable bursts of power.
It’s miserable and lonely until she sees a commercial for a reality TV baking contest offering a magical prize Ben swears can undo anything. Finally, she has a chance to get the normal life she craves. It’s all going according to plan until she meets Vladislaus Straud.
At 544 years old, Vladislaus Straud is a vampire uninterested in change. He’s an unfeeling monster with a dark secret buried inside him, and he likes it that way. The trappings of modern society have left him miserable, but he’s coping. Or at least that was the case before he ran afoul of a powerful witch. Now, the brutal vampire king is haunted by his past deeds and struggling to understand his emotions.
When he hears about a magical item with the power to undo anything, Vlad sees a way to get back to his old self—the monster without a conscience. But meeting Alice Martin throws him for a loop, and suddenly, all his plans are upended.
As the two begin falling for each other, supernatural forces start closing in, and danger starts popping up in unexpected places. Secrets refused to stay buried, and mastering the perfect soufflé has never been more important.
Extras
Chapters
go down the rabbit hole.
idiom. To enter into a situation or begin a process or journey that is particularly strange, problematic, difficult, complex, or chaotic, especially one that becomes increasingly so as it develops or unfolds.
Season 1
Prologue: Excerpt from The Elder-most Manuscript of Myths and Creatures
Chapter 1: The God of Death Has a Few Demands
Chapter 2: Vladislaus Straud, Vampire King
Chapter 3: Tales from the Night Shift
Chapter 4: Sunny, with a Chance of Baking
Chapter 7: Cowplants and Revelations
Chapter 9: A Formidable Opponent
Chapter 10: Roll to Investigate a Mystery
Chapter 12, Part 1: A Meet Cute
Chapter 12, Part 2: A Meet Cute
Chapter 13: Nothing to See Here Folks!
Chapter 15: Smile, You’re on Camera
Chapter 16: What Becomes of the Dark?
Chapter 17: What Becomes of the Dark.
Season 2
Chapter 21, Part 1: King’s Gambit
Chapter 21, Part 2: King’s Gambit
Chapter 22, Part 1: For All the Marbles
Chapter 22, Part 2: For All the Marbles
Chapter 23: The Secrets We Find
Chapter 24: The Secrets We Keep
Chapter 25: A Kiss is Just a Kiss
Chapter 26, Part 1: The Things That Can be Undone
Chapter 26, Part 2: The Things That Can be Undone
Chapter 27, Part 1: Bread Week is for the Undead
Chapter 27, Part 2: Bread Week is for the Undead
Chapter 28, Part 1: The Wings Are A Lot
Chapter 28, Part 2: The Wings Are A Lot
Chapter 29, Part 1: Life After Death
Chapter 29, Part 2: Life After Death
Season 3
Chapter 31, Part 1: The Will of a God is a Heck of a Thing
Chapter 31, Part 2: The Will of a God is a Heck of a Thing
Chapter 32, Part 1: Trips and Manuscripts
Chapter 32, Part 2: Trips and Manuscripts
Chapter 33, Part 1: Into the Belly of the Beast
Chapter 33, Part 2: Into the Belly of the Beast
Chapter 34, Part 1: Pie-Related Schemes
Chapter 34, Part 2: Pie-Related Schemes
Chapter 35, Part 1: So Long, and Thanks for All the Cupcakes
Chapter 35, Part 2: So Long, and Thanks for All the Cupcakes
Chapter 36, Part 1: A Minute Too Late
Chapter 36, Part 2: A Minute Too Late
Chapter 37, Part 1: It All Falls Down
Chapter 37, Part 2: It All Falls Down
Chapter 38, Part 1: Parental Units
Chapter 38, Part 2: Parental Units
Chapter 39, Part 1: Marching Orders
Chapter 39, Part 2: Marching Orders
Chapter 40, Part 1: The Best Laid Plans
Chapter 40, Part 2: The Best Laid Plans
Chapter 41, Part 1: The Fate of It All
Chapter 41, Part 2: The Fate of It All
Chapter 42, Part 1: The Owl of Ascension
Chapter 42, Part 2: The Owl of Ascension
Chapter 43, Part 1: A Different Path to Victory
