Chapter 15: Good Girls Get Steak

CW: Strong language, adult situations, sexual situations, nudity, and if it was not already clear NSFW, y’all.

Ana’s Penthouse, San Myshuno


“She said I had small boobs! My own kid! Right in front of him!” Alice shouted.

Penny held the phone back from her ear. “Okay, but he’s seen your boobs. Obviously, he likes them.”

“Yeah, but he hasn’t seen my kid!” Alice wailed, “I’ve been avoiding him for two weeks, and I don’t know what to do.”

“My suggestion?” Penny caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and adjusted her lipstick. “Radical honesty.”

“Radical what?”

“Honesty,” Penny continued checking her reflection, testing out a few expressions. She didn’t want to appear too eager. “You’ve both been keeping secrets, and frankly, if you like him, there’s a high chance he’s level ten problematic, so best find out what you’re getting into now.”

“And what if he’s not problematic?” Alice sounded wary.

“He is. And if he isn’t problematic, then he’s a lunatic. I know your vibe. So put on your big girl pants, formally introduce him to the magnificent terror that is Gwendolyn, and tell him you want honesty in your relationship.” Penny nodded at her reflection as she said it. She’d worried about the jumpsuit, but it was actually perfect. It screamed “I’m a badass and not impressed by you.”

Not that Penny was doubting herself—the Pizzazzes didn’t do self-doubt. 

“Are you doing radical honesty with this mystery woman you won’t talk about?”

Shit. Sometimes it sucked to have friends who knew you well. Penny made a bunch of fake static sounds. “Uh, you’re breaking up! I’ll call you later!” 

She ended the call and knocked on the door. Ana answered in a sheer confection of an outfit that made her mouth go dry.  

“Good, you’re early,” she slid a hand to her hip, “We can toast to my excellent guest appearance on Talib Tonight.”

Straud Manor, Forgotten Hollow


Caleb collapsed on the bed in the only room that his father kept clean. It felt like a damn time capsule and smelled like an old man, but at least it had a television.

“Psychopath,” he slurred. Tossing from side to side, he managed to fish his phone out of his pocket. He fumbled with the speakerphone setting. “Matilda is not talking to fucking vampires. Which, of course, she isn’t. Everyone hates me, and Akira is interviewing her with a fucking werewolf on the force because I’m a liability.”

“Caleb?” Bella’s voice sounded far away, “What are you talking about?”

“And another thing,” he declared, after a hiccup. “My father hasn’t talked to me in over a century. We had a big fight in 1882, he was a bloody monster, and he never even tried to fix it. Fucking decades and nothing! He just up and disappeared, but not like the vampire kind, all smoke and whisps,” he made a whooshing sound with his mouth, “More like just ignoring me.”

“What do you mean? You’re not making any sense. You—” 

“And the witches!” Caleb couldn’t remember why he wanted to talk about the witches, but he went with it. “Everyone blames me for the witches, but that’s why I went to him. And he didn’t help, because he hates witches and then I was by myself.”

“I thought your sister was part witch. You father hates her?”

“He hates everyone,” Caleb slurred. The room was spinning in a way that felt deeply unpleasant. He didn’t remember if he hung up or she did but when he woke up, Bella was standing over him.

“Are you drunk?”

He sat up. “I was sad,” he rasped. “And also drunk.” He rubbed his temples, trying to clear his head. “Was I talking about my parents?”

“More like ranting,” she gave him a small smile. “You said they were complete and utter psychopaths.” 

Caleb hadn’t seen Bella out of uniform before. He forced himself to look up from the bronze expanse of her thighs. “Did you just get out of bed and come here? What time is it?”

“Four in the morning.” She shrugged, “I’ve been called out for worse things than a sad vampire.”

He stood, intending to laugh her comment off and walk her to the door, but his body did not comply. Suddenly, he was standing right in front of her, her sharp intake of breath lulling him. “Why did you come here?” he whispered.

“You seemed upset.”

“And?” Her answer was critical. He held her gaze waiting for her to form the words.

And I wanted to see you.” 

Caleb wasn’t lovesick or prone to romantic delusions like the rest of his family, but when he asked to kiss her, and she agreed, every thought he had about not falling in love flew out of his head. His hand tangled in her hair as he nipped her bottom lip, fangs urging him to latch onto her neck and drink and fuck her all at once.

She pulled back, breathless as the words, “I’m married,” tumbled out.

It should have had more effect, but Caleb wasn’t even phased by them. “I didn’t realize,” he lied. 

“I know…I should have told you.” She sounded apologetic, but was gazing at him with naked desire. “If you’re not working with Akira, I could use some help dealing with mortal suspects.”

“Right.” Caleb took his arousal and packed it in a box, tying it down until he was sure it wouldn’t burst out of him. “Of course. Let me take a shower and grab my coat.”

  • Ninja Pink Sex
    Nov 20, 2022


    Don’t know which eff session I’m more excited to have seen, but FUCK YOU, MORTIMER!

    • Dolly Llama
      Nov 20, 2022

      team mort fuck u bella

      • feroshgirl
        Nov 20, 2022

        MY GOD LOOK AT THE CHAOS I HAVE WROUGHT (continues calmly eating popcorn, watching it all play out)

      • Ninja Pink Sex
        Nov 21, 2022

        I know we will always agree to disagree on Mort, but for reals may he be sent to AU BBD and “fall” in front of Bernard and have some cold Bernie ghost peen shoved down his throat as the melodious sound of Hot Cross Bun fills the air, played FLUTELESSLY.

  • Snow ~
    Nov 27, 2022

    I laughed so hard at Penny’s ‘well if you like him he’s probably got red flags coming out of his ass’-type response XD And Penny fake-ending the call when Alice says ‘well what about you?’ : P

    I really loved the scene with Bella and Caleb. IIRC, I feel like so far he’s not really been one to a) pour his heart out or b) properly give in to actually being in love with (no matter how potentially temporary) someone. Which for a vampire is rough, because eventually you have to lose them, but sometimes you just gotta take the chance. Even I forgot Bella was married for a moment XD

    Ah yes, every werewolf’s favourite snack- oysters! I love her inner thoughts about all vampires being drama queens and the ‘understatement of the century’ XD That house looks so nice though. Bella’s ‘cut the shit and talk’ attitude is a stark contrast from Caleb’s way of dealing with things.
    I just feel awful for Caleb. It’s one thing to have daddy issues, but when they go on for a vampire’s lifespan, that’s hundreds of years of unanswered questions and ghosting and shit.

    Gah so much I want to say about the …you know…scenes damnnnn ;o; I’ll keep it PG LMAO
    I had a feeling the rough exterior was there for a reason, but interesting to see Ana’s vulnerable moments as always. The joys of becoming a newly-fledged vampire in a house full of vampire hunters…

    • feroshgirl
      Nov 27, 2022

      LOLOLOLOL Yes, ummm, there were a lot of good scenes. Very plot. Much development.

      Penny is definitely the least willing to be vulnerable, which is funny because you’d think Ana would play her feelings close to the chest. But she is a lot like Vlad: no chill whatsoever.

      I am DYING at you forgetting Bella was married. So did Bella! I’m interested to see what you think of Caleb as the story progresses. I think he believes he is very closed off, but I would point to his parents and ask if that’s really possible.

      Ah yes, the age old “daddy issues.” I mean, you’re right, they don’t have a few decades of unresolved issues, they’ve got centuries worth. I think though, it’s still a question of what’s worth holding onto…

  • Yimiki
    Nov 29, 2022

    Woo! It’s early morning, I have a cup of hot tea and cake and nothing to do until right before office hours. Time to catch up! 😁

    Penny is giving out some quality advice and normally I’d giggle at Alice immediately going to complain to her about Gwendolyn but my gods that jumpsuit is distracting as all heck. Ha, something tells me that just toasting to her guest appearance is not what Ana has in mind for that night.

    Drunk Caleb is such an angsty moody teenager 😂 aw, and he’s calling Bella out of all people. Not sure if that means that he’s just really into her, or that Bella is the only person he has. Maybe both. That’s oddly sad. Oof – yes, as terrible as her marriage is, she is still married. Her coming over in the dead of night wearing barely anything after a drunken slur on the other side of the phone speaks volumes, though. This won’t end well will it? 😅

    Did… did Ana really not realise that going into a sixty-year slumber after leaving him (and doing whatever it was that she did) is not a sign of anger but of being utterly broken? 😅 Yeah, I’d be annoyed over oysters, too, Pen – oh. Oh geez 🙈

    Aaaaah fudge. Salim’s name pops up again. That’s not good. I don’t like how he’s quickly going from sleazy to deadbeat to criminal to possible murderer and is still connected to Alice 😣

    Not dating an actual sociopath? Are you absolutely sure about that, Penny? 🤣 I’m blushing all shades of red from both, erm, “encounters”, there but I’m also mildly disturbed by that little snippet of Penny’s mother actively knowing what her daughter is like in bed and scolding her for it/attempting to control her horizontal behaviour. That’s… that’s not normal.

    Huh. Part of my was wondering if Anastasia would drop Penny after bedding her, if her interest would fade after she got what she wanted, you know? Seems like the opposite is true. She’s opened up considerably. Some real backstory insight into her and Vlad there, too. Ah. Oh, Penny. Ana just bared her heart for you and at the first tug of her wanting you to do the same, you bolt. Literally. Ana might be unable to understand emotions very well but Penny is definitely the one in denial about them.

    Oooooh, gods, here we go. He’s connected the dots to his mother 😣

    • feroshgirl
      Dec 3, 2022

      YES! Hot tea is the perfect drink for this chapter. Well, I guess anything hot (hehe).

      Penny is a great giver of advice, but taking it? Not so much. Her mom is definitely not normal. Penny has a ton of shame and a lot of fear of losing control, and it came from somewhere. You’re for sure picking up on her vibes with Ana. She’s got a lot of walls!

      I love that you thought it was going to be Ana who broke Penny’s heart! That’s what I was going for! Really though, Ana and Vlad are more similar than not. They might be, uh, monsters, but when they fall, they fall hard.

      Speaking of which, Caleb has fallen. Both because he is a little drunk and because he’s got it for Bella bad.

      HAHA you noticed Bella’s choice of outfit, huh?

      Don’t worry about Salim! It’s um…all gonna be fine! Just like I’m sure it will be totally chill when Caleb confronts his mother. 🙂

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