Chapter 7: Cowplants and Revelations

Which one of us is the God of Death?

The offering year for the God of Death used to be a somber and reverent occasion occurring once every nineteen years (nineteen being an auspicious number). It now takes place once a year and has way more skeleton limbo and cocktails.
-The Book of the Dead, Revised Edition

Alice sighed as she turned another page. The Sim’s Guide to Windenburg had been published in 1997, so while it was long on history from hundreds of years ago; it was short on any helpful details about the country in this century. Not that she was going to Windenburg, mind you. No, the entire exercise was to appease Ben, who had been going on about the baking contest nonstop since they saw the commercial last month.

“It has great mystical importance, Alice. The sages hid it away for centuries but now it’s back in the world,” Ben reminded her.

Alice rolled her eyes, “Yes, and since this is like the 84th time you’ve said that, I’m pretty clear on it.”

The librarian on duty gave her sharp look and shushed her. It probably didn’t help that Alice appeared to be talking loudly to herself.

She pointed at a “No Talking” sign and stormed off. As soon as her back was turned, Alice made a rude gesture and then quickly mouthed an apology. 

It wasn’t the librarian’s fault that she was in a bad mood. 

Not that the internet would be any help in confirming if this item of “great and terrifying power” was even real. 

With another dramatic sigh that broke off into a squeak at a raised eyebrow from said librarian, Alice glanced around the room. The StrangerVille Information Center was barely a library. Oh sure, it had books and computers but it was really a gathering place for military personnel and research scientists. They all whispered at each other and drank sludgy cups of coffee from the 8 Bells bar next door. Occasionally, men in black suits like her father came in and motioned at stacks of papers, books, or computers that were then promptly removed. Even now, the only computers not taken by sims in white lab coats were marked “Ready for Hard Drive Transport.” 

Not that the internet would be any help in confirming if this item of “great and terrifying power” was even real. 

“I’m glad you brought that up,” Ben advised, “It’s powers are indeed terrifying. Or, well, the potential of its powers. Come to think of it, the creation of it was pretty terrifying as well. But fear not! I would say, based on my esteemed observation, that the benefits of it far outweigh the risks. In fact, it is imperative that you be the one in possession of this item…”

Alice resisted the urge to roll her eyes again and tried to tune him out by reading a page about dial-up modems coming Windenburg’s Modern District. Even for Ben this was a bit much. She had never heard him harp on something like this, not even the beginning of the reaping season, which he claimed was his favorite time of year.

“It is! But this is very—“

“Important,” Alice finished, “Yes, Ben. I’m aware. But you seem to forget I can’t bake—“

“You can learn.”

Alice snorted. “Are you addled?”

The librarian turned and growled in her direction. Alice lowered her voice to a whisper. “Besides, I don’t have any money.”

“What? We live in a hovel and you don’t pay for meals. How could we not have money?”

“We? Ben, please, I’m the one working. And in case you’ve forgotten, it’s a shitty part-time job at a convenience store so no, we are not rolling in simoleons. And for that matter…wait, hold the hell up, did you just call my house a hovel?”

“Well, technically, you don’t live in the house, you live in the backyard,” Ben replied.

She couldn’t argue with him but her trailer was NOT a hovel. It was…well…small and cramped and the floor was covered in an unnamed stain that Alice had purposefully decided not to investigate. But it was a steal and it meant that if she squinted, she could pretend that she didn’t still live at home. 

Explaining why a parade of literal skeletons and hooded creatures kept walking into the yard leaving black candles and piles of skulls got old real fast. 

It wasn’t always this way. At first, she tried parking at the trailer park on the edge of town, but she had trouble covering her lot fees and paying her neighbors to keep quiet about her strange behavior. Apparently, 2015 had been an offering year for the God of Death. Explaining why a parade of literal skeletons and hooded creatures kept walking into the yard leaving black candles and piles of skulls got old real fast. 

“Ah, yes, I do remember. What a good year it was! Did you know that we got three sacrificial skulls from the San Myshuno reapers? What a coup!” Ben clapped his hands excitedly at the memory.

“Do you also remember trying to explain to the police that those skulls were not victims of a homicide and then standing outside in the dead of winter while they executed a search warrant?” 

Alice paused to smile at one of her mother’s colleagues. 

The woman gave her a look that was somewhere between pity and censure. Alice knew that look. It was the There goes Valeria’s weird daughter. You know, the one who’s touched in the head and lives in their backyard because she’s a hot mess” look. 

Alice shrugged. There was no point in even fighting it anymore. She resumed her conversation with Ben. “I distinctly remember you reanimating a corpse when they tried to pick up your precious skull collection. I spent two nights in lock-up until they finally concluded that it must’ve been a prank. And then they charged me for pranking the police!”

Ben sighed happily, “I know. Good times right? There was that dancer in your cell. What was his name? Cat’s Meow? He was great!”

Alice shook her head. Kyle, aka “Cat’s Meow”, had been great. Well, he was passable and her three month dry spell bumped him up to a “fine.” They spent approximately 48 hours together and hooked up three times. But Alice put the kibosh on it as soon as the weekend ended. She couldn’t have a relationship. There was no telling when Ben would flip the switch and she’d lose control and really hurt someone. And besides, anyone who spent more than five minutes with her quickly concluded that she was completely nuts. That was okay when you had consumed four bottles of nectar reliving the harrowing boredom you both experienced in StrangerVille County Jail.

In the real world, though, no one would choose Alice. 

“I am only here because you promised to be quiet if I did some research about Windenburg. I’m holding up my end of the deal,” Alice gestured at the book on the table. 

“Yes, Yes, of course. You’re right. I’ll be quiet. I promise.” And with that, Ben went completely silent.

“Finally,” Alice whispered.

  • Dolly Llama
    Nov 5, 2019

    Hey—those black candles and piles of skulls have to be worth some scratch. Buy Mode doesn’t ask questions.

    • feroshgirl
      Nov 7, 2019

      Honestly, that’s probably why the police seized it. Those detectives say they are “investigating” the crime scene, but honestly, who’s watching them?

  • Dolly Llama
    Nov 7, 2019

    I’m guessing they’ll have to “confiscate” some of the baked goods as well.

  • feroshgirl
    Nov 7, 2019

    100% purely for evidence reasons lol

  • finelines
    Mar 10, 2020

    she is definitely quite the expressive lady 🙂

  • theplumbob
    Jul 4, 2020

    Oh my word, this was awesome? Don’t you just hate it when you run into someone you hate and accidentally almost get them devoured by angry cowplants you’ve summoned? 😂😂😂

    Btw I love how you marry up your own unique story and lore with the premade elements, like the townies or the absurdity that is the Strangerville library (yes, in spite of everything that happened in this chapter, I will use the term absurd for the library of all things. Too committed now 😆)

    I keep thinking that I can’t like Ben any more, and with each chapter, you prove me wrong.

    Sidenote – Vlad in his lifetime was quite the snack. I know we got a glimpse of him in the flashback with William, but damn…

    • feroshgirl
      Jul 5, 2020

      Oh I just seen this! Thank you. The lore of the Sims gives me so much inspiration. Sometimes I even go back to old games to find references of names.

      Honestly, I had to attack the mayor. I’m so suspicious of him even in the regular game. I know a lot of people didn’t love StrangerVille but I adore it’s creepy government cover-up vibes. I mean for real, that library is strange!

      Making Vlad a snack is 100% guilty pleasure and the best/worst thing I’ve ever done. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

  • Yimiki
    Jan 5, 2021

    Oooh, I like that picture of young Vlad. He did look handsome, oh my! Lol, Alice, stop salivating over a long dead history picture… is what I’d say but he’s very much err, un-alive and Ben seems to be well aware of that, it seems! I wonder – does he know everyone who is alive or dead, being the god of death and all, or is it specifically Vlad that he is aware of?

    Oh geez, Alice! It looks like her magic is tied to her emotions, or maybe her mind getting distracted and dragged into thought spirals? So that’s why Ben keeps telling her to focus? To keep her powers in check? Not that it helped much this time it seems LOL did she just summon two cowplants to eat the major?

    Ah the next page confirmed it. So it is her, and not Ben. He seems to be trying to help her. Ooooh and Alice is the god of death? Or almost the god of death? Interesting. I wonder if Ben was the last one, and he’s been trying to train her to take over. Of is he stuck in her as much as she is with him? Hmm…

    • feroshgirl
      Jan 5, 2021

      He was a fox ummm ::looks down at calculator:: 600 years ago. I can’t tell you why Ben knows but there is a very specific reason.

      HAHAHA I love you discovering the reveal mid-comment. Ben has big plans for Alice. The question is, does she intend to live up to them?

      Man, you are on it! I have to be careful not to reveal spoilers…

  • Ninja Pink Sex
    Aug 27, 2022

    Before I forget, because I will otherwise,
    “touched in the head” okay yes, this IS a tale about mental illness, or how someone that has mental illness is viewed by others and how they navigate through society despite challenges.
    Cat’s Meow. LMAO. Okay 1) MEAN that we are only given a small-ass glimpse into this wonderful dancer who happened to get holed up with Alice in lockup, which is apparently a great place to hookup (not judging Alice, one must do what one must do, and besides, if he’s as good as he is dancing then he might be worthy of a horizontal mambo…). 2) With a name like Cat’s Meow, I demand that this foo get into The Strauds. Like I want this more than I want Ana and Penny to bang. Okay, maybe demand is too irrational. Pweeeeeeeeeeeeeese? With G-Eazy on top???? Like dude can be some street dancing hustler idc. I just want to see The Cat’s Meow in full sim glory being his excellent self. Best.Name.Ever award.

  • Ninja Pink Sex
    Aug 28, 2022

    Well, well, well. Looks like you don’t fuck with “touched-in-the-head Alice” or you’ll be Cowplant lunch. Except…. Alice is more mercy than mercenary. Not a jab at her or her character. Some people mistake niceness for weakness, and I pity the fool that mistakes that in Alice. Hehehe.

    Oh, Erwin. So far you’re the only character whose name begins with an “E” that I don’t hate. At least Alice had someone that accepted her and Ben. Unfortunately, it’s *the* town Boo Radley. I like his lit colander. Would I wear one? No. Not even caught dead. There may be more to Erwin than we (er the town) is led to believe. Yes, pay no attention to the man behind the lit colander THAT is nothing!

    Ted Roswell is mega creepy. He’s like part pedo and part racist and part “needs to be in a position of power because he’s a blatant weakling.” Soooo uh, I see you, Ted Cruz in sim-form. Does Ted have an ugly wife? It would all make sense.

    Alice floating was badass.

    Alice summoning Cowplants was terrifying (but still borderline badass).

    Also, in case I didn’t make it excruciating crystal clear…. Young, long with dark hair, Vlad could slay me with that sword all day, all night, and I wouldn’t even ask for a pee break. I just can’t…. I would fan myself too, Alice. I’d also have asked Ben a follow up question about homie driving around in Windenburg. Um, hold the phone, Ben, are you saying this hottie MIGHT be alive? What are you NOT telling me? Alice, was too damn worked up to bother with questions. Alice, was more than your tongue-tied?

    Can someone please throw a book at that Librarian? Woman, there is a Prince to drool over and you cannot expect us to not make a scene. Maybe if Alice showed that Librarian Vlad it would have shut her the hell up. Also, is the Librarian Elmyra in disguise? Why are there so many detestable white women in BBD? BBD: Fuck All The White Women ……uh….. I don’t mean *that* kinda fuck, because ….okay my commenting is now over.

    Great story, Ferosh! Also, holy shit Alice!

  • sirianasims
    Sep 26, 2022

    The implications of Alice having sex, even in jail, while sharing her body with Ben is… I don’t know. How is that not the most awkward thing ever? Does Ben leave her alone for this? Does he keep a running commentary? DOES HE JUST WATCH? And he’s the God of Fertility (among other tings), how does this not go horribly, horribly wrong?

    hey Alice
    If the literal God of Death (and other things) strongly hints that someone isn’t as dead as they ought to be, pay attention. Especially if it’s a sexy a fuck prince that you would very much like to do more than just fan yourself about.

    “Erwin just narrowed his eyes and told her that in the coming war, there would be no parents.” I LOVE HIM ALREADY

    The Bachelor really fucked up by not naming the show “The Man Who is Not and Has Never Been Married”, a far superior title.

    Alice’s transformation and summoning of the cowplants gave me literal, visible goosebumps, holy shit. The fact that Ted’s reaction was “What in tarnation?” then made me narrowly miss my laptop with a spit-take. Bravo!

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