Status: COMPLETE

Petty gods, dark magic, and one baking contest to rule them all. 

When a not-quite-human and a not-quite-vampire get together during a baking contest, romance and shenanigans ensue. The scones won’t bake themselves, and the stakes are no less than the fate of the world. This story features adult language, adult situations, sex, and violence.

About the Story

Alice Martin is twenty-nine years old, mortal-ish, and cursed. Since the age of thirteen, she’s been sharing her body with Ben, the God of Death (and resurrection and agriculture and fertility and nectar, as he often reminds her). The arrogant, all-powerful being has run roughshod over her life, sending her on “quests” that have turned her into the town weirdo and putting everyone around her at risk with uncontrollable bursts of power.

It’s miserable and lonely until she sees a commercial for a reality TV baking contest offering a magical prize Ben swears can undo anything. Finally, she has a chance to get the normal life she craves. It’s all going according to plan until she meets Vladislaus Straud.

At 544 years old, Vladislaus Straud is a vampire uninterested in change. He’s an unfeeling monster with a dark secret buried inside him, and he likes it that way. The trappings of modern society have left him miserable, but he’s coping. Or at least that was the case before he ran afoul of a powerful witch. Now, the brutal vampire king is haunted by his past deeds and struggling to understand his emotions.

When he hears about a magical item with the power to undo anything, Vlad sees a way to get back to his old self—the monster without a conscience. But meeting Alice Martin throws him for a loop, and suddenly, all his plans are upended.

As the two begin falling for each other, supernatural forces start closing in, and danger starts popping up in unexpected places. Secrets refused to stay buried, and mastering the perfect soufflé has never been more important.

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Extras

Main Characters

Season 3 Trailer

Custom Content Credits

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Chapters

go down the rabbit hole.

idiom. To enter into a situation or begin a process or journey that is particularly strange, problematic, difficult, complex, or chaotic, especially one that becomes increasingly so as it develops or unfolds.